True Feelings
by Freya.Druid
Summary: L grew up in Wammy's house, this we all knew, but we didn't know about the girl that understood him better than L himself. R could always see straight through L, no matter how hard he tried to hide his emotions. Eventually he stopped trying to mask the way he felt, and even began to turn to the girl for occasional counsel. L x OC I would read the warning labels...


**Ok, this one is really weird because I gave the OC empathetic abilities that are supposed to supernatural, I figured that would fit given that it's a Death Note fanfiction.**

**Warning:** Lemon, Wibbly Wobbly stuff, and a tad bit creepy but it's all good at the end. Also, _If you want L to yourself_ then you may not want to read this.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own L or Death note, as much as I may wish I do. However the OC I do own, so please no replication or whatever.

**Additional Warnings: **I got zero sleep tonight so this may be poorly proofread. But Enjoy!

**_Oh, by the way, this fanfiction shows you what a woman's first time SHOULD be in regards to pain. I have researched the lemon contents and I thought that L was the perfect character to try and set the myths straight a little. ;)_**

* * *

_There she is again. The girl that always stares. The one with the eyes that seem to pierce my very soul. Why do I always feel so exposed around her? And why does she never talk? I have yet to hear even the slightest sound from her. Maybe Watari knows..._ A short boy with fluffy raven hair crouched in a corner, pondering to himself about the brunette dread head that sat in a lotus* position atop a tall bookcase in the opposite corner of the room. The boy sighed as he stood and left the room, wandering down a hallway with poor posture and bare feet. His coal colored eyes scanned the hall and all it's occupants as his feet took the boy to a large oak door. Without knocking, the boy slipped into the large room, closing the door behind himself. The room was decorated by several bookshelves, a couple wing back chairs, an elegant rug, a dark mahogany desk, and an elderly man with a grey mustache.

"L, how can I help you?" The elderly man that sat behind the desk looked to the boy as he stepped into one of the luxurious chairs, and crouched down gently cupping his knees to his chest.

"Watari, what do you know of the girl that never talks?" L turned his evaluating eyes to the man named Watari.

"You mean R, correct?" L nodded to Watari to continue. "Well I know that she is very smart and very perceptive, but she has never said a word to anyone. We don't even know her name, all she put on her aptitude test was the letter R. She has frequent episodes, though no one knows why, and she keeps her room barricaded, and refuses to have a roommate. Every once in a while I receive an email from her, either asking me to proofread a novel or asking for supplies. She has actually written over three dozen books, but won't publish them. In all honesty, she's almost as smart as you..."

"What about her past?"

"All I know is that she showed up on the front doorstep when she was so little she could barely survive on her own. We do not know where or who she comes from." L nodded and stepped out of his chair. As he turned to leave, he felt a familiar pair of eyes on him, and then he realized that the girl named R was looking at him from the corner closest to the door. R slowly approached L, and gently bent to whisper in his ear.

"Don't be scared..." She spoke softly enough that only L even knew she had even opened her mouth, but he was a little preoccupied with the fact that she had seen right through his defensive wall and into his true emotions. The girl then slipped past L and walked out of the room. The raven haired boy stood paralyzed, unable to move until Watari cleared his throat to snap L out of his thoughts. Once back in reality, L slipped out of the office and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he shuffled to his room. When he got to the room that he most frequently crouched in, he pulled an invasive slip of paper from his pocket, assuming that R had placed it there.

'You are special, just like me. If you want to know how I see through people, come to my room.' This was all the note said, and it was beginning to peek the young boys interest. L tentatively stood and walked over to the mysterious girls door, knocking twice. He heard what sounded like metal sliding over metal, then the door swung open revealing R. L stepped into the odd room, taking note of how different it looked from the rest of Wammy's House.

The room was very small, almost like it had been cut into several rooms, and each wall was covered up by a bookshelf. The door he had come through was also a bookshelf, one on hinges that had a steel fastening plate to secure it against possible intruders. The bookshelves were made of what appeared to be steel, and they were all lined with different books and journals. There was only one exposed window, the rest of the dorm rooms had three, and that window had what appeared to be a steel gate attached to the inside of it. Light shined through the meshed metal that covered the window, and L could see a lock on the structure. One of the bookshelf walls had monitors mounted on sliding pains as if to allow access the the books covered by the screens, and displayed on those monitors was live video feeds from what L assumed to be hidden cameras throughout Wammy's. On the wood floor in front of the monitors was a computer complete with hard drive, mic, screen, mouse, keyboard, some sort of timer, and a webcam that appeared to be unplugged. The only light in the room was a lamp that hung in front of the window, though it was not lit. L was fairly surprised by how extensive the modifications to her room had been, and by the fact that no one seemed to know she had done this.

"It's not that surprising." The girl cut into L's thoughts, once again piercing his emotionless shell to see what lie beneath. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. If you want to know how, all you have to do is ask..."

_How does she know what I'm feeling? It's like she's in my head..._

"Ok, how do you see what I'm feeling? How do you always know my emotional state?" L practically demanded once he had recovered his voice.

"I don't want you to fear me." She murmured in a low voice. "I'm an empath. I can feel what those around me feel, as if I was perceiving my own emotions, and you don't want to believe me do you? I know it sounds like nonsense, but it's true. I know how much of an emotional train wreck you are, I know how much pain you're in. You try to block everyone out, in order to protect them, but what you need is a friend. You're lonely and sad, and you're angry. And now you are scared... I'm sorry, maybe this was a bad idea, you should go..." R looked to the ground, a feeling of guilt consuming her. Then, she felt a hand glide up to her cheek, a thumb gently brushing away the tear that had slipped from the girls eyes. She looked up, recognizing now that it was primarily the boys guilt, not her own. R looked into L's charcoal eyes, and felt a little happiness twinge within.

"Wanna see the rest of my room?" R asked the curious boy, who nodded instantly. R broke away from L to walk over to one of the bookshelves, and then pulled what appeared to be an oversized metal pin out of one of the vertical dividers. Once two additional pins had been removed, the bookshelf swung open, revealing a bathroom with two windows in it, both covered by metal grates, the bathroom was tiled in a mosaic pattern that depicted a sunset, and designed in traditional Japanese architecture. R then reseated the room, and opened a bookshelf several feet from the last one. Once this bookshelf swung open, a room that could be misconstrued for a closet was revealed. The floor was covered in sheets and pillows, and on one wall there was a monitor setup similar to the one in the other room, however this one was attached directly to a steel plate that appeared to be the wall. The other wall had several cabinets set into it. The room was very dark, the only light came from the open bookshelf, but L could still see that the other two walls were disguised by bookshelves.

"Could you do this to my room?" L asked as they withdrew from the dark bedroom, and watched as R resealed the room.

"Well, I can if you're ok with entering your room through the window..." R giggled when L glanced to the gate that covered the window. L sighed in defeat as he realized that he would never know all of the girls secrets.

_At least she's talking to someone, but why me?_

* * *

- Nineteen Years Later -

* * *

A young woman with long brunette dreadlocks stood in the back of a public transit bus in Japan. She had two suitcases, a bag from a local bakery, and a purse with her, the purse she kept very close to her at all times. Eventually the bus stopped in front of a luxurious hotel, and the woman grabbed her bags to depart. As she passed the bus driver she shivered as if cold air had radiated from the man, but he ignored it and drove away once she was off the bus. The woman headed into the hotel, walking straight past the check in desk, and headed into the elevator. She pressed a button and watched as the doors closed. The elevator jerked upwards, and soon the doors opened again. The woman exited the electronic box, bringing her bags to a room at the end of the hall.

There she pulled an electronic card from her purse and placed it in the slot, and after hacking the lock on the door she headed in. Two men r with guns, both telling her to freeze, one asking how she had gotten in. She closed the door while surveying her surroundings.

"You," she pointed to the younger man, "have nothing to fear. And you," she turned her attention to the man with an Afro, "shouldn't get angry so easily. Especially if you're asking for help. And L, why are you enjoying this so much."

The men with guns turned to the man that was crouching in an armchair, staring intently at monitors. "Don't worry, she's here to clear something up. Bring any-"

"Sweets? Yes, of course." The intruder walked over to L, handing him the bag from the bakery. He pulled out the sweets one at a time, handing her the two dango sticks he knew she had gotten for herself.

"Matsuda, Aizawa, this woman has known me since we were children, and when it comes to emotional psychology she is even smarter than I am..." L spoke while he selected a fairly large slice of strawberry cake from the assorted sweets. His compliment got two gasps and one small smile, that only L noticed. "Now then, Matsuda would you fetch her some coffee, Aizawa could you get the surveillance tapes I mentioned earlier?" The two men hurried off as L leaned over to the girl. "R, right now I'm Ryuzaki, and you should use an alias too. Also I was wondering if you could clear up a couple things for me. There is something going on here that I can't explain, it is quite frustrating, but if you're up for it I would like you to try to read the auras on a couple tapes."

"Sure, but those two need to leave before I can work, the last thing I need is for them to see me have an 'episode' because I read something I can't handle." L nodded consent to R's request just as Matsuda set down two cups of coffee. It didn't take Aizawa much more time to get the requested tapes , and once they were handed to R the two men left per L's instruction. R opened one of the bags she had brought, a stick of dango still hanging out of her mouth, and brought a modified laptop over to L. She sat in her customary lotus position, laptop gently resting on her lap, while she inserted the first tape.

"It's about 3.25 hours into the tape, something appears to have moved the girls hair and then she starts behaving differently. If you could just-"

"Holy..." L stopped talking and looked to the woman for elaboration. "Her aura, it's like nothing I've ever seen, and look there. There's a second aura even though nothing is there. But the second aura, it's like it's not of this world..."

"Shinigami... Both Kira's had left hints saying that shinigami were real, and that is how they got their ability to kill... Oh, this is where her hair moved."

"Yes, the invisible thing, or shinigami, brushed her hair aside and then her aura drastically changes. It's almost as if the shinigami took her power, maybe even her memories." R gazed intently at the screen, completely baffled by what she was seeing. "Let me have a look at the other tape." She quickly ejected the tape and put in the other one, fast forwarding to the point L instructed.

"This is the other suspect, he talked to me, said something about getting rid of pride, then freaked out and started acting differently, just like Amane."

"That's frightening. This ones aura is... Horrible... And right there is another invisible creature, but it seems to be a different one from the one with Amane. Oh, after the suspect said '...get rid of it...' the shinigami got up and left. Then the suspects aura changed to a much more normal one. Whatever is going on here, you were right to call me in. I just wish this could be used as evidence, but no normal person would be able to see the auras..."

"Yes, now please stop watching the tapes. You're shaking." L looked at the girl with concern in his eyes.

"Why are you scared?" L, taken aback by R's sudden question, said nothing. "You aren't powerless, you aren't alone, and you haven't been betrayed by anyone worth calling a friend." R whispered comforts to the silent man. "You need to face your feelings and let them go. You know that you can always talk to me, right?"

"I know, but right now you should rest. I know how exhausting reading auras is for you."

"Aw, thanks for worrying about me. There a somewhere nearby where I can crash?" L nodded and pointed to a door that led out of the main suite.

"R... Thank you." L spoke softly, then went back to work. R grabbed her purse and suitcases and headed into the bedroom. The bed was pristine and unused, there was a bathroom attached to it and a broad window. The bed faced a large dresser that had a television mounted above it, and to each side of the bed there was a single nightstand. R placed her things in the corner, grabbing something from her purse before she lay atop the soft comforter. In the other room, L was calling Watari to announce R's arrival.

It was only a few minutes later that Matsuda and Aizawa returned, the former much more energetic than the later.

"Ryuzaki, who was that girl?" Aizawa asked as Matsuda went to open the bedroom door, it was normally left open.

"I wouldn't open that, Matsuda..." Despite L's warning, the young man flew open the door. Not even a second after the door opened, a shiny object flew past Matsuda's left ear and slammed into the wall across the suite.

"What the-" Aizawa was stopped by L silently raising a hand, all the while never taking his eyes off the screen.

"You're lucky she knows your face, otherwise you would no longer have one..." L spoke in an ominously low tone of voice.

"Sorry." The groggy woman walked past the stunned detectives and pulled her knife from the wall. She stuffed the sharp object down the back of her pants, almost as if it was a gun. She padded over to L and plunked down with her feet atop her knees, per her preferred posture.

"Woah, you're just like L! You even sit funny!" Matsuda had quickly recovered from the near miss.

"Thank you. Though I'm not quite like L. His specialty is deductive reasoning, whereas mine is perceptive observance. Also L occasionally wears shoes when outside, I never do. Oh and he is smarter than me when speaking in general terms." As R was mumbling about differences, Aizawa was slowly recovering from his shock.

"Who are you?!" Aizawa had finally recovered his voice.

"I'm whatever you want me to be." A Cheshire grin spread across the girls face as Aizawa turned bright red. "So dedicated to your wife and... Daughter? You're no fun to toy with, although it is entertaining to get that level of shame over such a small comment. But you should really start trusting those on the task force, and if you don't trust the one in charge then you may want to just leave."

"How do you know all that?"

"She is an expert on the behavioral sciences, even more so on emotional situations." L interjected before R could answer.

"Cool! What's your name? I'm Matsuda." Matsuda marched up to the woman and rigorously shook her hand.

"I'm Zoe. I believe that translates to Life." L glanced at the girl quizzically, then quickly returned his gaze to the monitors.

"Wow, that's so pretty. Do-"

"Don't bother, she's taken." L cut off Matsuda's question, not wanting to hear anymore. This time R glanced at L quizzically, then returned to staring intently at the screen. At this Aizawa sighed and dragged Matsuda from the hotel suit.

"Firstly those guys are hilarious. And secondly you know full well that I'm not taken, and that I can read you like a book." Neither of the two removed their eyes from the screen.

"... Then read. Say what you know I cannot..." L spoke in a voice barely above a whisper .

"You're scared, lonely, anxious, and embarrassed. But above all of that you're in love." R's cheeks reddened as she whispered the words that had hung over both of them for some time. What she said next was barely audible, "And so am I..." L tore his eyes from the monitor to look at the woman beside him.

"I love you, R." A single tear rolled down the girls face, and L gently wiped it away.

"I love you too, L." She looked to the raven haired man beside her, staring into his deep pools of liquid coal. L slipped his hand on her cheek farther back, resting it on the back of her neck. He slowly drew R closer to him, until their lips finally met. The kiss was soft and sweet, and it ended when the geniuses realized they would most likely be interrupted if they proceeded. L sighed and returned to work, and R stood and left after retrieving her bags. A few minutes later Watari walked in with a cart of assorted sweets.

"Has R left already?" The elderly man asked as he brought the cart over to L.

"Yes, though she should return soon. Also, she is currently working under the name Zoe." L informed Watari as he took a donut from the cart. As he predicted, R returned a few minutes later. She handed L a custom transceiver, which he quickly plugged into the main router so she could have remote access to all the data on his screen.

R nodded to Watari and sat next to L, after claiming the plate of dango on the sweets cart. The older man left once again, this time without the sweets, and once again L and R were alone. "Where?" L asked.

"One bed suite on the top floor, here's a key." R handed L a room key and quietly departed once again. _Whenever he's ready..._

* * *

- Several Hours Later-

* * *

R stared intently at her computer screen, unconsciously fiddling with her lower lip, when she finally heard the sound she had waited for. She turned to the door, unintentionally grabbing the knife that was hidden under the couch cushion, and smiled slightly when she saw L. She replaced the knife and hopped off the couch, padding her way toward her crush.

"Watari is taking a shift, so-" the raven haired man was cut off when R's lips brushed against his own. R could feel the burning desire radiating from L, it was just as strong as her own, though no normal person would be able to tell how the two felt. L pushed aside several clumps of hair so he could gaze into the woman's deep red eyes with the same piercing gaze that the woman had used to pierce souls since she was just a child. Her eyes, they were always hidden from the world, they were big and doughie, and a deep red color that bordered on violet or black, they seemed to radiate out from her pupils as if they were not of this world, but the oddest part was her pupils themselves. They were very dilated at the moment, which wasn't surprising seeing as the only active light source in the room was the computer screens, but L could still tell that the eyes were slitted like a cats.

The man gazed into her eyes, slightly hypnotized, before uttering a single word, "Beautiful." With this, the young man smashed his lips into R's, in a passionate kiss. R reached behind L to lock the door, and two stumbled into the bedroom. L licked the woman's soft lips, begging for the entrance that she readily gate. Their tongues tied in a passionate embrace, and L quickly got the girl to surrender dominance to him. He was slightly curious as to how the evening would end, but at the moment the young man was too full of desire to take note of his curiosity. Without breaking their embrace, I slid his hands up and down R's body, memorizing every curve of her form. R tangled her fingers in L's raven hair, all the while the mans hands slipped down her back, and into her jean, what he found made his sigh slightly annoyed. The girl had shoved several knives down her pants, and L now noticed a few in her hair, they were all quickly removed in order for the evening to proceed. Once the knives were gone, L gently slid off R's pants eliciting a low moan. R untangled her fingers and gently slid them down the detectives chest, hearing him hiss at the sensation, and finally she reached his pants. Slim fingers quickly unbuttoned the garment, and proceeded to slide off his shirt before retangling themselves in raven hair.

L returned to the passionate kiss, sliding off one grey hoodie. He took a step back, examining the bandages that were wrapped as a binding on the brunette's chest. After a moment of confusion, L found where the end of the bandage had been stuffed under the rest, and nimbly removed the bindings. The woman hissed as his fingers glided over her her skin, removing the bandages to expose her uncomfortably large chest. L gasped when he finally saw the true size of his prize.  
"You've been holding out on me."

"It's because I didn't want anyone but you to feel that burning desire for me…" R wrapped her arms around the detectives neck, bruising their lips together while the two tumbled into the fluffy white bed. She could feel both of their desire, and it was starting to overwhelm the girl. She could barely contain her screams of pleasure when L finally massaged her breasts. The tiny woman bucked and moaned, completely powerless against L's touch as he trailed kisses down her neck. R unintentionally grazed L's erection, making the detective all but loose it.

_She's making it so hard to stay in control of this… lust…_

"Stop trying to control yourself, I know how much you want this…" As always, the perceptive girl had read the situation flawlessly.

"Look at you, I could snap you in half…" Gazed at the delicate frame beneath him.

"I'm a lot stronger than I look you know, I'll be fine. Please, I want this as much as you. Please stop holding back…" L gazed into the red pools that reflected his own burning lust and need. He nodded and smashed his lips into R's, running his hands down her sides until he reached the last pieces of cloth that halted his progress. He quickly removed both pairs of underwear, tossing them aside, and pressed his fingers between her slender legs. The curious joints grazed the girls clit, making her groan for more, then slipped into her forbidden abyss. After a few seconds of exploration, L had found several sweet spots and the girls hymen. He carefully used the two fingers currently within the girl to stretch out the piece of women that most would recklessly break.

_Don't be nervous, if I'm right then this should take away any chance of pain._ L watched the girl wriggle beneath him, wondering how much torment it must have been to endure twice the want and need. After a few more seconds of L's fingers doing their best to stretch the fragile skin within the girl, he slipped his fingers from the girl. Without a moments hesitation, the man thrust into the girl to the hilt. She cried out in pure ecstasy, reveling at the new found sensation. It took her a moment to notice the doubt and worry radiating from the now still L.

"How'd you know it wouldn't hurt?" R whispered to her new found lover, who in turn heaved a sigh of relief.

"What part of the human body is built specifically to be destroyed?" R giggled at his comment, making a mental note to ask how he had managed that later on. She bucked her hips desperately craving more of that sweet sensation, and was quickly supplied with it. Lust was finally allowed to consume the two as L withdrew then slammed into the girl again, her cries of pleasure more than audible in the still air. L pressed his hungry lips to R's chest, eliciting even more moans as he continually thrust into her. With each powerful thrust, the man hit one of the sweet spots he had identified moments ago, carefully leading his mate to that blissful edge.

Sounds that dripped with desire filled the hotel room, and before the sweet torment ended, they told each other their most private secrets.

"R, I-"

"Me too… and My name, its Rika."

"Lawliet, and I love you Rika…"

"I love you too Lawliet." The two smashed their lips together just before crying the others name as they spilled over the edge together. Lawliet collapsed next to Rika, both panting in an attempt to catch their breath. L drew R's trembling form into a tight embrace, becoming concerned about the girl. in his arms.

"What's wrong?" L whispered into the tangled hair now tickling his face.

"I might be able to show you…"

"What? Really? Are you sure that's safe?"

"Yes, just try to relax, ok?" L looked down at the girl in his arms, watching her form still and her breathing slow as she curled into the detective. For a moment he thought she had fallen asleep, then he felt a flood of emotions wash over him. It was a turmoil of anxiety and depression and anger, but mostly it was love. A feeling of love that made his heart hurt under the weight of it, and when his eyes once again focused he saw a gently light radiating from the girl in his arms. It was a soft shade of blue with hints of violet, and it was beautiful. "So this is what it is like for you, you bear the burdens of everyone around you. You're aura, it's so beautiful…"

R sighed, L's new sight fading back into her, and snuggled closer to the young mans chest. L pulled the soft comforters over the lovers, and let sleep consume him. Just before the two slipped into the land of slumber, they murmured words of love to one another and slipped away...

* * *

Well, I think that actually didn't fail too horribly. Please review and give me suggestions, right now I'm righting a couple of fics for the manga Pretty Face and the anime Princess Jellyfish. And maybe I should go to bed?

*Lotus Position- a meditative position in which one places their feet atop their knees. L is seen sitting in this position once in the manga while in deep thought about the Kira case.


End file.
